How can I feel peace if my heart is broken in a true relationship and how do I get over it, please give me some Islamic suggestions? It will help me in the future.

I hope this can help you Inshallah

Actions that help get over any relationship are as follows:

1. To stop messaging the person on all forms of communication.

2. To stop talking about them on all forms of communication (in person and online).

3. To stop thinking about them – this can only be done by diverting your attention elsewhere (Allah (azzawajal) and His Messenger (sallallahu alayhe wasallam) are best, but any lawful thought are fine too).

4.Every time the thought of them comes, busy yourself in other matters. Make a list of things to do to district you, when their thought comes e.g. exercise or walk, or nafl salah, or read a book, or recite Quran, or do zikr. Whatever works as a lawful distraction.

5. Create a new strong relationship elsewhere – the best is with Allah (azzawajal) and Rasoolullah (sallallahu alayhe wasallam) and the friends of Allah (azzawajal). After them any pious person who is good company. (Note: the concept works anywhere but if one creates an unlawful relationship, the first one (whether lawful or not) can be emotionally  forgotten (detached) but the cycle will continue.

6. “Step out of yourself” – this means stop thinking about “me” and start thinking of others. Then help them, help anyone. Be of service to mankind.

Whenever a person has a problem, a simple solution is to help someone else who has a bigger problem.  When you come back to your problem, your mind will see things in perspective (comparison) and yours will feel lighter therefore easier to overcome.

All 6 actions above have an element of difficulty in them. But there is peace on the other side. With this understanding it becomes easier to do. Choose 3 from from above to start with then gradually implement all 6 of them within 60 days.

Mindsets that help are below. Choose 1 and  repeat it 10-20 times per day to have effect

1. “With time,  everything heals… so I will let time pass”

2. “I am not the emotion. It is not me. Let it pass.”

3. “I embrace this pain of separation. I won’t fight it. Instead I will embrace it.”

4. “Only in the remembrance of Allah (azzawajal) does the heart find peace”. Remembrance here is deeper than simply repeating the name of Allah (azzawajal) only. It refers to the developing a special relationship between the servant and their Lord.

5. “The heartbreak I get from creation is a reminder that Allah (azzawajal) will never break my heart so I will only give it to Him. It was never meant for anyone else. They can never care for it as it should be cared for. Only He can so my Lord I give it to You.”

In addition, in your question you have mentioned a “true” relationship. “True” relationships can mean different things to different people. For some “true” may mean they felt what they think of as real love. But love is more than just a temporal feeling.  For others who are new or young and haven’t had much experience will think their very first relationship is “true”. And for some they will be attached to a person and think this attachment is “true”. None of these are the real “true” relationships.

A “true” relationship in reality is one which is purely for the sake of  Allah (azzawajal) (meaning His pleasure). Both parties don’t want any personal benefit from the other. This type of relationship is the purest in the entire world and it never breaks. If it outwardly breaks, there is a greater good in there and it is also for the sake of Allah (azzawajal) e.g. a teacher teaching a student a difficult lesson or a parent admonishing their child  or a spouse unable to have children asking their spouse to leave them to marry someone who can. When the element of self sacrifice is present, this is a sign of true love. It should be done for the sake of Allah to be reward worthy and inshallah the reward will be attaining His friendship in return. That relationship is true and eternal.

Answered by

Ustaad Usman Ahmed

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